Memories

 

I remember when I use to burn myself, my mama would hold my hand over the gas flame on the gas stove in order to "draw the fire out"

I remember sitting outside in the car on a hot summer night while my mother went into the bootleggers to buy liquor.

I remember spending hours walking in my backyard by myself talking to myself while I shook a stick in the air, my mama called it my "talking stick"

I remember the night when I was 6 and mama let me go with some young guy to get candy. The sky was red because the church up the street was burning and smoke and ash filled the air. The place he stopped the car was dark,very dark. He hand was so strong and big when he held onto my tiny hand and made me touch him.
Afterwards, we drove by the church that was on fire and I could see all the policmen and firemen, why didn't any of them help me? Didn't they know what just happened? Didn't they care?
Later that night, when I told mama what happned ,she said it was my fault for begging her to let me go with him.
I remember when I was 9 going to the drive in movie with my mother and watching Macon County Line. The rape scene was so graphic that for years I was afraid to sleep without a light on at night and sex and rape were intricately tied together in my mind. I ask you, who takes a nine year old to see that kind of movie???

I remember my mother being drunk and crazy and beating my mama in the head with one of those old time telephones that were so heavy. Blood streaming down mama's face, mother screaming.

I remember nights where mother would just scream and scream for no reason until she could no longer physically make a sound.