I had another terrible dream last night. Phil had left me and I couldn't find him. When I did finally get to talk to him he was so cold and distant to me. A typical dream of abandonment. I have these every so often and they leave me feeling miserable and lost all day long. He always reassures me and loves and comforts me, but that bad feeling lasts throughout the day. I am terrified of losing him. Losing the only person who has ever loved me the way that he loves me, losing the only person who has ever made me feel safe.
I know that I will never find anyone like him and that if he is ever gone from me, I know I will spend the rest of my life alone.
I cannot believe how God has blessed me with such a best friend and soul mate. I certainly don't deservbe him, but then God is merciful and usually doesn't give us what we deserve.
I am a terrible person who in my lifetime has done some pretty reprehensible things and should probably die beaten, tortured and alone in an alley somewhere. Instead I live with a man who treats me like a queen. Is it any wonder that I have nightmares of losing him?
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